27 December 2008

I now understand why people come to Kaye Kaulcker. I went snorkeling yesterday afternoon for the hell of it and it ended up being incredible. I was swimming with stingrays and petting them of course (I counldn't find any stingray nuts to play with) and then swimming around coral reefs like you would see in planet earth that were loaded with incredible fish. I tried to touch a sweet baracuda, but he was too fast. I choked on sea water a number of times when I yelled wow! while I was under water. Some other dude scraped his shoulder on some coral and was bleeding like the fourth week of the Lilith Fair tour. Now I want to snorkel more, but we have to leave. I'm going to have to look for other places along the way. I recommend snorkeling in Belize. I also recommend deodorant.

25 December 2008

So today I'm off the coast of Belize on Caye Caulker. We left Tikal early this morning and took a bus to Belize city. Lonely planet said belize city sucked, so we took a boat out to this island. Honestly, I can't say I'm very impressed with this area. Its expensive and there's basically a bunch of ugly colored dingy ass houses surrounding a not so awesome beach that has more trash than aTexas trailer park. I decided to take a walk around the island to see what else was here. I ended up traipsing through a mangrove forest that was also loaded with trash. A few hundred into my walk I was disgusted with humanity. I followed the trail as far as it went and ended up on an airstrip. I guess I didn't want to repeat the tour of garbage I had just experienced, so I walked down the airstrip. While I was doing this, part of me was thinking that there had to be a reason I shouldn't be walking along this airstrip- although I did see a lovely spoonbill (one of those things tried to crap on my mom at the zoo). There was apparently a reason I should not have been walking along the airstrip and that reason was a sign at the other end that said: walking, riding, etc. along the airstrip is prohibited, violators face a $500 dollar fine and/or confinement. I hurried off the airstrip quickly, avoiding eye contact with everyone for the next kilometer or so. I'm not to keen on going to jail in Belize, especially not in this dingy dump. Conversely, the snorkeling here is supposed to be some of the best in the world, so I'm going to try that out tomorrow... provided no one recognized me and reports me for strolling along the runway. I will have to write more tomorrow as i still need to comment on the ridiculous hippie I met the other day on the bus.

22 December 2008

So it wasn't dehydration that was making me feel ill. I was some form of GI bug that did a number on my system. We got on the bus to go back to Antigua, but about 15 minutes into the ride I had to get the driver to pull over next to a corn field so I could evacuate... everything. Luckily we found a tuk tuk to take us back to Panajachel, where we got a hotel and I could continue evacuating in a bathroom. Unfortunately, a couple hours after I got sick, my Aunt got equally sick and we took turns in the bathroom. Miserable. Luckily I had some cipro(flaxin) that we took and I felt a bit better later that night. We spent all of yesterday laying in bed, but eventually got up for dinner, and I had a delicious steak for five dollars. Generally intestinal parasites are an excellent diet strategy, but I recommend not having intestinal parasites in corn fields. I also think bulemia is a more pleasant diet strategy. Also eating less food works.

I've been trying to figure out where we would have picked up the illness, and I'm thinking they may have made the orange juice that morning with local water. Now the chinese might say:"water is origin of life saving on water" (I saw a sign in china that said that), but I would say, be careful of water because it may be a deadly hazard to your dignity.

So I hate christmas music. I thought I would escape shitty christmas music here in guatemala, but the only difference here is that the same songs are sung in spanish. I wish Jesus hadn't ruined november and december for me. I bet no one sings gay-ass christmas songs about Buddha.

So, I forgot to discuss my experience with prostitutes the first day in Guatemala city. Now, for those of you who have read my previous literary contributions from Cambodia, you will remember that I have developed a keen interest in prostitutes. I guess I just find it amazing when I see women that are interested in me. Anyway, me and my aunt were exploring Guatemala City, and we happended along a road near the railroad tracks with a whole bunch of doors right next to each other. I was unaware of the situation until scantily clad, dumpy looking women started yelling "¿quieres ir fucko!?" (do you want to fuck) at me. This was a bit embarrassing to be asked in front of my great aunt who's like 75. We moved onward... quickly, but I did get some photos. After seeing that miserable situation, I recommend that any women that read this not become prostitutes. But stripping is an honest profession and generates a substantial income.

To this post I have added several images for your viewing pleasure. They are in no particular order, but they include images from Guatemala city (red light district), Antigua (churches), and San Marcos (one of the towns along lake atitlan).

20 December 2008

I think I may be dehydrated today. I haven´t drank a lot, but got a lot of sweaty exercise yesterday. I think that´s what Richard Simmons does: sweaty exercise. I have a bit of a headache, my stomach feels queezy, my face is a bit flushed, and I feel pretty tired. Also I feel like shitting my pants. I haven´t really had any of the local water either, so I don't thinks its that, but I have eaten some salad stuff. Wikipedia suggests I rehydrate slowly. Who needs a doctor when you have wikipedia. All of my doctor friends should take note of that comment. Doctors are for people that don´t have wikipedia. Next step: attempt home surgery using wikipedia. UUGGHH I feel crappy.

I got a massage this morning from some french cougar chick. The town we were in (San Marcos) was one of these holistic places where people go for for massages and some chakra reading bullshit. I´ll take a massage, but spare me the hippie spirituality. If I want a spiritual experience, I´ll pay a little Mayan kid to kick me in the nuts. Anyway, I got a massage from this french cougar. I may have made up the cougar part. She had me trow and gave me the full back (and ass) massage. I felt a little ridiculous in the boxer shorts with some french chick I didn´t know with her hands in my asscrack but it was pretty good. Then she flipped me over and offered a happy ending. I made up that last sentence.

I still feel crappy. I need to increase my water intake. Maybe its cholera. Then I still need to drink more water.

Oh yeah, yesterday afternoon, I took a walk along Lake Atitlan and climbed up the side of a hill to get a better view. The slope went to nerely 90 degrees and it was covered in slippery grass (see image), so I had to go commando after I got to the top.

I´m going to have to stop now because I feel crappy and the bus for antigua leaves soon. I hope I don´t have diarrhea on the bus.